Lessons From NYC

Yo kids...

Below is a facebook note I wrote entitled "Lessons From NYC." I figured I'd post it here. Enjoy!




So today is July 3rd and yep, it's that day (no, not the day before 4th of July -- umm, well actually it kinda is): It's my 35th day in New York City.

I know, I know go ahead and ask...what's so significant about the 35th day?? Well you know what...I don't know so there! Nah!

Umm, ok. I digress.

Seriously, I feel like I've grown substantially thus far. I'm only half way in but I really feel like I've become accustomed to the hailed "big city" life and am ready to share some things I've learned (just in case you're considering visiting):

So the following are some things I've learned about NYC that most people believe to be true:

1) "Times Square is an awesome Place!"
- False. It's not. New Yorkers hate it. And after being here for some time now, I must admit I feel compelled to yank cameras out of innocent tourists' hands and smash them onto the hot, hard cement sidewalks. NYC residents don't want anything to do with Times Square and seem to avoid it at almost all costs, so know that if you plan on visiting NYC, you will be mauled if you stop in front of Toys 'R Us to take a picture with Wall-E. But no...Times Square is a pretty cool place to visit and is a must if you do! But people will want to trample over your face with their apple bottom jeans and boots with the fur (and yes, I have seen that combination...in person).

2) "Geez Manhattan is a huge place."
- False. Perhaps it would be a huge if it existed; there's no such thing. The locals don't refer to Manhattan as Manhattan, but "The City," rather. I know, I know...aren't Brooklyn and Queens apart of the city too?? Yeah they are...but no they're kinda not. Don't refer to Manhattan as Manhattan, people will point and laugh at you -- in that order.

3) "Taking the subway is an economical way to travel."
- That's a big no. But taking the TRAIN is a great way to travel! Yes, no one calls it the subway. But at $2 per ride, it is one of the cheapest ways to travel within the city. Taking the train is pretty sweet. Unless, of course, the door shuts in your face right when you're trying to enter the train en route to your first day of work (but of course, this never has happened to me...). Ok. Reserve Judgment. Thanks.

4) "New York is up north so the weather has to be much cooler!"
- That gets a big heeeee*ll no. New York is hot as whale vagina. The second week I was here, the daily highs were between 100-105 (and no, that's not including the heat index). It's hot and muggy just like Louisiana. Hey, at least I didn't have to get acclimated to a climate change!

5) "There's a Starbucks on EVERY corner!"
- False. Just like every other corner. lol. And also on every other corner: GAP, McDonalds and H&M. In that order. I kid you not.

Until next time kids, this is Jared giving you the Lesson From NYC. Until next time, remember to wrap it up, wash your hands and avoid eating the yellow snow. I'm off.

- JC, reporting from the greatest city in the world!

Doritos

So let me preface this with the following disclaimer: This post will have NOTHING to do with the doritos brand of snack chips.

Contrarily, it's about panty lines. That's right...panty lines that look like big, giant doritos. Now there's nothing wrong with wearing v-shaped drawls; actually I find them to be quite mesmerizing.

For example, I had an instructor last semester who once wore tight, low-rise jeans with dorito chip panties. For the entire class period I could hardly focus. I just wanted to take a big juicy bite out of that dorito chip a*s of hers.

So ladies should heed the moral of this story: there is nothing wrong with wearing panties that make the silhouette that resembles a dorito. After all, cooler ranch is my favorite flavor (not too fond of the original, though). That's it kids...don't forget to buckle up safety; its the law.