National Title: 2009...maybe...just maybe?

So LSU seems poised to take the #1 recruiting class in college football.

Seems a little daunting for next year's opponents, right? Maybe, maybe not.

Coming off an 8-5 season (That still has me bewildered, I must say), the LSU Bayou Bengals are looking to return to grace and prove that its recent National Championship was no fluke.

Yes, the 51-21 blowout to Florida still burns and the 31-30 loss to Arkansas during the final seconds left most people scratching their heads, but I believe (and I hope that this belief is coated with realism and not optimism) that next year, LSU will be a forced to be reckoned with.

There's only one thing...

If you've ever walked around LSU's campus, there are usually bumper stickers, posters, etc. floating around on game day that state, "Fear the Hat."

Trust me, I do.

[Sidenote: Head Coach Les Miles was deemed "The Mad Hatter" following some of his play gambles (that happened to pay off) during the 2007 season. He also wears his hat perched atop his head, as if it's two sizes too small]

Granted, my football education stems about as far as, well, um...what I hear on TV but some of the things Les Miles does leads me to believe this man is, at times, truly beguiled.

For Example:

Trying to "stretch it out" (i.e. run out the game clock) with over three minutes left to play in regulation (and only a 6-point lead) during the Arkansas game. Huh??

Attempting a 62-yard field goal (in inclement weather) during the same game. What??

Or, my favorite, trying to get a first down on 3rd and 20 by running the ball straight up the middle (during the Alabama game). That's a winner.

There's lots to fear.

Conversely, Miles does occasionally pull a few tricks from his sleeve that yield a few tips of the hat (see: 35-3 victory over GA Tech in the Chick-Fil-A Bowl). But where are these tricks when you need em?

Having a top-notch recruiting class is great, but if we catch Miles looking like this (see picture below) anytime next season, there will be a lot to fear. Trust me.

Now excuse me while I go eat on my new Obama commemorative plate...and Geaux Tigers!

The Funniest Show on TV that NO ONE watches

30 Rock is hilarious. Like extremely.

It wins awards. It's on all the critics' top-ten lists. But no one watches it. Why?

I suppose everyone has been living under a rock, and apparently not this "Rock" (Corny, I know, but I couldn't help myself).

Tina Fey executive produces, writes and stars as Liz Lemon in this show about a show, which takes place at NBC's 30 Rockefeller Plaza. Alec Baldwin plays Jack Donaughy, Lemon's boss, and shows off comic chops of his own -- often muttering knee-slapping one-liners throughout the show.

Again, why is "American Idol" the number one show on TV?

To avoid the risk of sounding like a high-brow, conceited television viewer, I won't get into my own spiel about how much I hate "American Idol." But please someone...ANYONE...explain to me how this show continues to kick a*s and take names in the ratings, despite its rapidly-declining significance (*cough* both David Archuleta and David Cook's debut albums were flops *cough*).

Although "30 Rock" has been on for three seasons, its momentum seems to be stagnant (It's ratings actually fell the week following its Golden Globe win for Best Comedy Series). One can only hope it gets some type of TV miracle before it ends up like other loved-by-critics-yet-hated-by-television-audience sitcoms (e.g., "Arrested Development," "Freaks & Geeks")

Where's Oprah when you need her? Oh wait, she was actually on the show and the ratings are still dismal. I Guess fat Oprah just doesn't have that magic touch like the self-indulgent, skinny Oprah does.

Just kidding, just kidding...(or not)

Anyhow, in a world where this "Mall Cop" nonsense can debut number one at the American box office, while "Milk" -- or any other great achievement in American cinema -- can barely reach an audience, I guess I shouldn't hold my breath. So it goes.

Alas, let me pre-order my ticket for "Big Momma's House 3," DVR "The Real Housewives of Orange County" and catch the next episode of "Date My Mom."

And the Academy Award goes to...

The Academy of Motion Pictures (i.e, The one-foot-in-the-grave snob association) released its nominees for Hollywood's highest honor, the Oscar, on yesterday -- slobbing on the knob of "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" a whopping 13 times. Not far behind was "Slumdog Millionaire," whose a*s has been kissed far too many times thus far, most recently from the Hollywood Foreign Press (which distributes the oh-so-coveted-for-no-godd*mn-reason Golden Globe). Anywho, let the games begin.

Before I get into my personal picks, I'm going to quote the marvelous Tina Fey by telling the Academy to "suck it!" The omission of "The Dark Knight" in any major category (minus Heath Ledger's well-deserved nod Best Supporting Actor nod for his performance as the diabolical, wacky Joker) was utterly ridiculous. But considering the fact that the movie wasn't the prototypical snooze fest the Academy marvels over, I shouldn't be too surprised. Regardless, the nominees are...

Best Supporting Actor: Josh Brolin ("Milk"), Robert Downey, Jr. ("Tropic Thunder"), Philip Seymour Hoffman ("Doubt"), Heath Ledger ("The Dark Knight") and Michael Shannon ("Revolutionary Road")

My Pick: With the exception of Shannon in "Revolutionary Road," I've seen all the performances and if anyone in the academy is dumb enough to look over Ledger's turn as the Joker, they deserve to have their social security check revoked. End of story.

Best Supporting Actress: Amy Adams ("Doubt"), Penelope Cruz (Vicky Cristina Barcelona), Viola Davis ("Doubt"), Taraji P. Henson ("The Curious Case of Benjamin Button") and and Marisa Tomei ("The Wrestler")

My Pick: Viola Davis as the emotional mother of an African-American boy believed to be doing the...ya know...with a priest. Although her role was minimal, (I went to the bathroom, came back, and she was approaching the end of her 12-minute stint in the movie), she definitely let it out. When I came back, she was snotting, crying and screaming--all ingredients for an Oscar, right? I was just kidding about the bathroom part, but her role was 12-minutes long (and perhaps had I gone to the bathroom, I would have missed it)-- and she owned every second of it.

Best Actor: Richard Jenkins ("The Visitor"), Frank Langella ("Frost/Nixon"), Sean Penn ("Milk"), Brad Pitt ("The Curious Case of Benjamin Button") and Mickey Rourke ("The Wrestler")

My Pick: Ok, I hadn't even heard of "The Visitor" until about eight minutes ago, and I haven't seen Mickey Rourke in "The Wrestler" (although it's supposedly a role that is uplifting, heart-warming and all those other insert-here adjectives you say about a guy who was just about at the end of his career). I have seen the other three, though. Pitt was good, but despite his subtle, understated role as the sensitive title character, he shouldn't waste his time preparing an acceptance speech. Langella and Penn were both GREAT and completely immersed themselves in their respective roles, but Penn -- as slain gay rights activist Harvey Milk -- really made "Milk" come alive.

Best Actress: Anne Hathaway ("Rachel Getting Married"), Angelina Jolie ("Changeling"), Melissa Leo ("Frozen River"), Meryl Streep ("Doubt") and Kate Winslet ("The Reader")

My Pick: Kate Winslet. Haven't seen anyone else except Streep, but Winslet is one of my favorite actresses (I know, but isn't it about rewarding the performance, not the individual? -- H*ll no). With six nominations (she's only 33 years old) and no wins, I don't want her to become that chick from the Emmy's...what's her name...oh yeah, Susan Lucci!

Best Picture: "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button," "Frost/Nixon," "Milk," "The Reader," "Slumdog Millionaire"

My Pick: "Slumdog" is overrated. America decides to be progressive on Election Day, so critics decide to follow suit. Well cut the sh*t. "Frost/Nixon" is good, but who the h*ll will remember it, perhaps, three months from now. "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" is epic, it's long, it's romantic...what more could the Academy want? Forget the fact that it's also clichéd and starts to spiral into this parabolic sap fest during the movie's last act. I didn't see "The Reader," but I hear it's just another melodramatic film set during none other than: World War II. "Milk" is great. It's moving. Sean Penn is excellent. "Milk" by a longshot.

Well I'm tired and all this talk about Milk has me wanting a peanut better and jelly sandwich with a side of beets.

Peace.

Forget hip-hop...Mariah saved my life...

The recession is starting to take its toll on my pocketbook, and guess who's come to save the day?

You got it...Mimi herself.

That's right, Mariah Carey has provided me with high-quality, free entertainment. You heard it right...free.

I don't know what happened in the midst of her self-proclaimed "emotional breakdown," but Mariah (whose record label has dubbed her as "The Voice"...fitting, I know), should know that her sh*tty live performances have summoned immense gratitude; No longer am I forced to give monetary donations to the movie theater (i.e. enjoying a nice, high-priced movie) -- I can now seek reprieve by simply catching Mariah on youtube.

Haha...on youtube...the place she b*tched about how she "best" not be found ("Touch My Body" allusion for all you head-scratchers). But I digress!

So what's the moral of this blog, children?

Yes, it is possible for us to save some pennies and seek low-cost entertainment in the midst of this economic crisis...

"Yes We Can" (Yeeaaahhh Obama -- had to throw that in there)...all you gotta do is "catch this flick on you tube" (another "Touch My Body" reference)...



Until then...if you see someone doing the single ladies dance in their car, point and judge them. Please.

That is all!