Music: Dead or Alive (Part One of Two)

They had "Billie Jean."

We have "Tik Tok."

They had "Bridge Over Troubled Water."

We have "Back That Ass Up."

They had "Purple Rain."

We have "Low."

We hear it all the time: "Music just ain't what it used to be." And while the comment may have some validity, I wouldn't contend that it's entirely true.

Our generation does have the propensity to produce classic, timeless music -- and it has. We also have our share of individuals who have made their mark on the music scene by becoming bonafide entertainers. Recently, I had a discussion with a few of my buddies (who will remain anonymous since I didn't get them to authorize their mentioning) regarding the state of music and the artists who will leave a lasting impression on music versus those who are simply radio fodder. Below are some who I believe will be revered for their contribution(s) to the music industry:

• Alicia Keys: Pianist. Humanitarian. Composer. There isn't much Alicia Keys hasn't done, and won't do. The New York-bred songstress emerged on the scene in 2001 with her multi-platinum, 5x Grammy Award-winning debut, "Songs in A Minor," and has since become an R&B luminary. Known for her classic songs that evoke memories of the "good ol' days," Ms. Keys has set herself apart from her contemporaries by exhibiting an unfeigned appreciation for the art of music.

• Beyoncé: As the former front-woman of the biggest girl group of all time, Destiny's Child, Beyoncé Knowles established herself as the consummate entertainer complete with good looks, dangerous curves, an affinity for attempting full-fledged choreography in heels (successfully, of course) and an exceptional voice. While her catchy songs are somewhat ephemeral, Knowles (who adopts the alter-ego "Sasha Fierce" while storming the stage) has solidified herself as the quintessential entertainer of our generation.

• John Mayer: Eight years ago, the world was introduced to John Mayer, a witty, gangly kid decked with a guitar and tongue-in-cheek songs made to convey a few of his coming-of-age stories of heartbreak and discernment. With each album, though, Mayer grew more introspective and began to explore various genres along the way. His most acclaimed album to date, "Continuum" was a collection of neo-blues tracks that exposed an artist with a penchant for refusing to conform.

(This isn't an exclusive list...be on the lookout for more individuals to come...)

Chris Breezy Returns...?

Last night, BET commemorated the 10th anniversary of its annual awards ceremony, aptly titled "the BET Awards." Celebrating achievement in film, music, television and sports, the yearly event has found a home at Hollywood's Shrine Auditorium and has handed the hosting reins to a host of notable individuals including recently ordained Academy Award winner, Mo'Nique, Will & Jada Pinkett Smith, Jamie Foxx and, most recently, Queen Latifah.

The network hasn't had any trouble assembling A-list presenters and performers in the past, and this year was no exception. Audiences were treated to performances by the timeless Alicia Keys (who, despite being five months pregnant, was a recurring performer), hip-hop prodigy Kanye West as well as budding apprentice, Drake, and eclectic ingénue Janelle Monae.

However, these performances became subordinate to the show-stopping Michael Jackson tribute by R&B crooner Chris Brown, who has yet to truly bounce back from his high-profile vendetta with pop star and then-girlfriend, Rihanna. Performing a medley of the late King of Pop's most popular songs, Brown electrified the audience and, ostensibly, left everything he had onstage. As he approached the final number, "Man in the Mirror," Brown emerged distraught; overwrought with emotions as he struggled to carry the tune.

At this point, his entire demeanor had changed. The mood of the performance had taken a notable one-eighty. The room grew silent.

Had Chris Breezy managed to absolve himself in a matter of seconds just by dropping a few tears? Immediately, the talk of Brown's "comeback" was tossed into the discourse of entertainment. But for every fan, there is a foe and not everyone was sold on the authenticity of Brown's denouement.

This morning, reporters on NBC's "Today Show" maintained that Brown's performance may have been contrived and his manifestation of emotions served only to get him back in the public's good grace. I, personally, feel these emotions were the catharsis of everything that has transpired since the brawl and believe he was completely sincere. If not, someone give this dude an Oscar NOW.

Orchestrated or genuine, there was one facet of the ordeal that cannot be disputed: His raw talent. There are few, if any artists who can truly take command of the stage the way Brown can. If he can iterate this through subsequent performances and pique consumer interest again, I have no doubt that he can ascend to the top of the pop charts.

"I let y'all down before but I won't do it again, I promise," Brown said in a later speech.

Now stop apologizing and let your work speak for itself.

For the Record (Correction Post)

While this blog is simply a medium to convey to readers what's on my mind, I want to refrain from posting anything that is flagrantly wrong or even misleading. In regard to my "Old People" post, it has been brought to my attention that some sites do, in fact, require that you include "www" in the URL.

The starching the pants thing still stands, though.

Old People

We cherish our youth.

With each passing year, we become older and, as morbid as it may sound, inch closer to that big kingdom in the sky (or the fire pit below--I don't know your life). Immortality is fiction and this disconcerts us. As we age, we try to stay ahead of the curb and as we near the end, we merely try to "keep up with the Joneses" and not fall behind the pack. However, if you're doing any of the things below, you're significantly impeding your effort:

• Adding a gratuitous "the" to prefix social networking sites. If you refer to Twitter and Facebook as "THE Facebook" and "THE Twitter," you have no business mentioning them. Deduct points for trying to use youthful lexicon.
• When giving someone the URL of a website, you begin with "www." Presumably, any site on the internet is a part of the world wide web. If you're attempting to show off your technical savvy by stating that you hit up "www.(insert site here)," deduct points.
• Talking on the phone as though you're in a room of wild boars. For the record, phones come with a voice amplifying apparatus, so you don't have to project your voice. Deduct points. Moreover, if you still use a bluetooth...you know the drill.
• Starching your jeans/slacks to the point to where they can practically walk by themselves. You shouldn't even own Sta-Flo, but if you're going to use it, use it sparingly. Oh yeah, deduct double points if you've ever been cut by the seam of your jeans.
• Referring to any casino (regardless of its physical location or design) as "the boat." Deduct triple points because that's just country.
• Writing checks at the grocery store checkout counter. This is a personal pet peeve of mine, as checks function the same as a debit card. You're slowing down the line. Deduct quadruple points.

This list isn't inclusive of everything that makes us "young folk" shake our heads at you. But if you heed my advice and, henceforth, make the necessary adjustments, I assure you that you'll seem that much cooler.

I regret to inform you, though: If you don't know how to send a text message, then you're a hopeless case and any efforts to help you would be futile...

..so enjoy your remaining years!

4 years removed from high school...

...and I'm an anomaly.

I'm 22.

I'm single.

I have my bachelor's degree.

I will begin work on a master's degree in the fall.

Soon, my residence will be New York City.

Now for those who know me, excessive bravado isn't one of my idiosyncrasies, so I list all these things objectively simply because they're fact.

Conversely, many of my former high school cohorts have opted for different paths. As I perused through some of my Facebook friends--a rare occurrence considering the limited amount of time I spend on the site--I realized that quite a few of my classmates of yore have lives that are similar in landscape. Many of them have become--or will soon become--parents. A good deal of them have tied the knot or will be doing so in the foreseeable future. Most still claim Lake Charles as their primary residence.

Not that anything's wrong with any of the things I've just stated.

It's just not what I want...not at the moment, at least.

Throughout our formative years, the maxim "you can do or be anything you want in life" is battered into our brains. We hear "never take 'no' for an answer," "take control of your destiny" and every other quote in the book so often that they cease to be inspirational and are reduced to mere platitude by the time we transition from elementary to middle school.

But as corny as it may sound, i have yet to jettison these seemingly-banal statements; I use them as motivation to conquer the checklist of things I aspire to do before I kick the bucket. That list has been growing exponentially for quite some time, and I intend to accomplish everything on it. Call me a hopeless optimist (almost everyone who really knows me, does), beguiled or even naïve. It's probably true.

The mores of our society have designed an unofficial blueprint that we, as Americans are expected to follow. For most people, these blueprints offer enough structure to establish a moderate level of content.

And for others, they are grounds to declare themselves an anomaly...

I'll take the latter.

Preliminary Grammy Predictions (Part Two of Two)

[This is the second part of my predictions for the 2010 Grammy Award nominations]

"Best New Artist"

[Acts recognized in this category have released material for the first time during the eligibility period or gained notoriety due to a breakthrough album]

-Justin Bieber

-B.o.B.

-The Script

-V.V. Brown

-Owl City

Before getting upset by the omission of Drake, the up-and-coming emcee is ineligible for the award, as he received two nominations last year for his hit, "Best I Ever Had." (strict Grammy rules prohibit any act from being recognized in this category if they've received any prior nominations) Obviously, he would be the artist to beat had he been able to secure the nomination but since he won't be included in the pack, the field is wide open. Commercially, Justin Bieber is the only bonafide breakthrough act of the year, as his debut album opened to sales in excess of 250k its first week. He also has arguably become the first teen pop sensation of the 21st century (following the colossal pop craze of the late 90s), filling a void that has been notably missing for quite sometime. It may seem a bit absurd, but Bieber just might be the one to beat. His competition may include:

• Atlanta-bred B.o.B., whose debut album "The Adventures of Bobby Ray" and first single, "Nothin on U" both managed to reach the top of the charts.
• British ingénue, V.V. Brown, whose "Travelling Like the Light" struck a chord with British consumers and as of late, American audiences (although on a much smaller scale).
• Irish rock band, The Script. Although their debut album was released in 2008, their single "Breakeven" managed to break into the top 20 of the Billboard Hot 100 earlier this year, solidifying them as an act to keep an eye on.
• Owl City, whose aforementioned "Fireflies" became a number-one hit last fall.

This category would be so much clearer had Drake not disqualified himself due to last year's submissions. Oh well, a little suspense is good, right?

"Album of the Year"

[This award is given to the artist(s), producer, mixers and arrangers of a full-length album]

-"Soldier of Love," Sade

-"Need You Now," Lady Antebellum

-"Mojo," Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers

-"Brothers," the Black Keys

-"The Blueprint 3," Jay-Z

Before I delve into my analysis, let me say that I really wanted to include Janelle Monae's "The ArchAndroid" in this lineup. Although the album is one of the best reviewed so far this year and is a musical opus, I don't believe NARAS will acknowledge the album in its top category. All disappointment aside, it looks as though Sade is a shoo-in. Following an eight-year hiatus, the act's return was met with glowing reception as--at the time of this publication--"Soldier of Love" stands as the album with the biggest first week sales of 2010 (at 502k copies shifted). "Need You Now" will secure the requisite country spot, and Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers should be able to slide into the veteran-act slot with their comeback album, "Mojo." The last two predictions are a complete toss-up, but "Brothers" by blues duo the Black Keys has garned universal acclaim from critics (boasting an aggregate score of 81 on the review site, Metacritic), while Jay-Z has yet to make it to make it into this category, despite becoming one of the most prolific artists in music.

PS: Take all these predictions with a grain of salt, and we'll see what actually transpires when the nominations are revealed in December.

Preliminary Grammy Predictions (Part One of Two)

This is first of two entries regarding my current predictions for Grammy recognition.

Question: What do Lady Gaga and Jay-Z have in common (aside from the fact that they're both white women)?

Answer: They're both recipients of the most coveted award in music, the Grammy.
[PS: It was a joke, if you're still scratching your head...]

Since 1958, the National Academy for Recording Arts and Sciences (NARAS) has awarded a golden gramophone (appellation: Grammy) to artists, songwriters and producers for their outstanding achievement(s) in music. The award has essentially become music's "Oscar" and, ostensibly, almost everyone affiliated with the industry yearns for one.

The four most prestigious categories at the Grammys are: Song of the Year, Record of the Year, Best New Artist and Album of the Year. Although the "eligibility period" for this year's crop of music doesn't end until September 30, it's never too soon to start reviewing some of the frontrunners heretofore:

"Song of the Year"
[The "Song of the Year" award is given to the composer of the song, and the award recipient is recognized for his/her lyrical achievement]

-"Need You Now," Lady Antebellum
-"Hey, Soul Sister," Train
-"Haven't Met You Yet," Michael Bublé
-"Fireflies," Owl City
-"Bad Romance," Lady Gaga

There is always a country song in this category, so what better song than Lady Antebellum's tongue-in-cheek, yet highly infectious "Need You Now"? "Hey, Soul Sister," in my opinion, is a pretty trite entry, but it exudes Grammy worthiness with its ukulele-driven melody and catchy hook. Not to mention, Train made it into the category nine years ago with "Drops of Jupiter (Tell Me)," so NARAS will have no problem welcoming them back. Michael Bublé has yet to receive an invitation to NARAS' upper echelon, but "Haven't Met You Yet" is, by far, his most commercial single to date; that will certainly work in his favor. In recent years, an unofficial spot for an alternative band has surfaced in this category (e.g., Hoobastank's "The Reason"; "Kings of Leon's "Use Somebody"; "Plain White T's "Hey There, Delilah") and I believe Owl City will be that act this year with their #1 hit, "Fireflies." The category tends to include one sure-fire hit and Lady Gaga's "Bad Romance" certainly meets that requirement. Besides, "Bad Romance" has become the eccentric pop star's most well-received single of her short career.

"Record of the Year,"
[The award for "Record of the Year" is commonly confused with the "Song of the Year" award. This is awarded to the artist/group who recorded the song, as well as the individuals who produced, mixed and arranged the record. While there is no commercial standard, the songs recognized in this category tend to be some of the higher-charting releases of the year]

-"Bad Romance," Lady Gaga
-"Hey, Soul Sister," Train
-"Empire State of Mind," Jay-Z and Alicia Keys
-"Need You Now," Lady Antebellum
-"Bulletproof," La Roux

"Record of the Year" has become such a hazy category to predict because in the age of the digital single, it's not difficult for a song to make it the summit of the billboard charts. In years past, almost any song that managed to stay atop the charts for multiple weeks was guaranteed an invitation to this category. But in a time where the biggest song of the year is "Tik Tok" as opposed to "I Will Always Love You," that is no longer true. Be that as it may, the sole number-one song I've included in this category, "Empire State of Mind," has to be the clear favorite for this award. The record is the rap mogul's first (yes, FIRST) number-one hit, it instantly became the unofficial anthem of NYC and it was a musical tour de force. Sounds like a winner. Elsewhere, "Bad Romance" was pretty huge in its own right, and "Hey, Soul Sister," and "Need You Now" were forces to be reckoned with on the airwaves. For full disclosure, I had no idea what to include to occupy the fifth slot, but decided to go with La Roux's "Bulletproof" simply because it was a top ten hit that didn't include a slang or blatant misspelling.

My predictions for Best New Artist and Album of the Year coming soon...

Weak Tea (Part Two of Three)

Preface: This is a continuation of my "Weak Tea" series, which chronicles the rise of the "Tea Party" and its conservative movement.

Following the passage of the Stimulus Bill, Barack Obama shifted his focus to a long-lasting economic malignancy: The health care industry and its exponentially-rising costs. As the last president who attempted to impose change to the fractured system, Bill Clinton learned that there was a lot of political poison embedded in the health care system.

Encapsulated by health maintenance organizations (HMOs), insurance companies, pharmaceuticals and a myriad of other groups, the health care system was closely guarded by lobbyists and others adept at ensuring that their shareholders were never neglected. And although an axiom had existed for quite some time contending that the health care system was unsustainable if left the way it was, few were willing to undertake the task of altering the status quo. However, riding high off a campaign that promised change to a seemingly incorrigible system, Barack Obama stayed true to his word and dove into the political abyss and, before long, learned that there was only one way out: passage of a sweeping health care reform bill. If not, he'd find himself at the mercy of a newly formed coup known as "The Tea (TEA: Taxed Enough Already) Party."

In grassroots fashion, Obama hit the ground running on his health care reform campaign, opting to conduct town hall style meetings to explicate his plan to improve the American health care system. Although this town hall format was extremely effective during the 2008 campaign, the president soon learned that the landscape of politics had changed since then. Despite an overwhelming victory that ushered him into the White House, Obama would now have to prime for the biggest battle of his short political career against a newly galvanized right that was going to fight the President's top domestic agenda for as long as it could.

The question arose, though: what, exactly, was the basis of the "Tea Party" movement? Why were its activists so vehemently opposed to health care reform? Throughout the summer and fall of 2009, we saw the rise and fall of "death camps," "pulling the plug on Grandma," "the government takeover of health care" and a ton of other specious arguments aimed at dismantling the health care reform movement. Despite the fact these myths were debunked almost as soon as they were transmitted, public support for reform steadily declined. It was apparent that members of the "Tea Party" had successfully painted Obama, along with members of Congress as socialists. By the end of 2009, public support for a reform bill had waned and Congress ipso facto grew leery of its passage. The "Tea Party" had succeeded in catalyzing the conservative right enough to stall passage of a health care reform bill. But if members of this "Tea Party" were to really stonewall this thing, they'd need a leader; a figurehead; a superintendent. Soon, their wish would be granted.

The "Tea Party" really began to gain traction following the inaugural Tea Party Convention sponsored by Tea Party Nation, a conservative political organization. The keynote speaker was none other than ex-Alaskan Governor and failed Vice-Presidential candidate, Sarah Palin, who had somehow managed to maneuver to the top of the Republican heap following the 2008 presidential election. With her Alaskan twang and snarl that'd made her popular among conservative militants, Palin took to the mic and proclaimed:

"Opponents of this message, they are seeking to marginalize this movement. They want to paint us as ideologically extreme and the counterpoint to liberal intolerance and outrageous conspiracy theorists aimed at our own government and unethical shameless tactics like considering a candidate's children fair game. But unlike the elitists who denounce this movement, they just don't want to hear the message. I've traveled across this great country and I've talked to the patriotic men and women who make up the Tea Party movement, and they are good and kind and selfless and they are deeply concerned about our country. And today I ask only this, let's make this movement a tribute to their good example and make it worthy of their hard work and their support."

That's all they needed to hear. Alas, the "Tea Party" had found its queen bee.

Be on the lookout for the third and final part of the "Weak Tea" series.

Toy Story 3 (Review)

15 years ago, Pixar Animation Studios welcomed audiences to the world of Toy Story complete with groundbreaking computer graphics, a charming story and unforgettable characters. 4 years later, its sequel, Toy Story 2 became that rare sequel to match the quality of the original, and even challenged it with the depth and tapestry of its narrative. 11 years--and a slew of accolades--later, Pixar has done the seemingly unimaginable by creating a trilogy that has yet to depreciate in quality.

Pixar reassembles its all-star voice cast for Toy Story 3 to tell the story of everyone's favorite cowboy doll, Woody (Tom Hanks), space ranger action figure, Buzz (Tim Allen) and the rest of the gang as they come to terms with the fact that Andy is no longer a prepubescent longing to play. Instead, Andy is heading off to college and his mom has given him an ultimatum: Donate the toys to a local daycare or to the dumpster they go. Unwilling to part with his old, inanimate friends, Andy belies his mother and opts to store the toys in the attic. However, the toys get lost in the shuffle and, in comical Toy Story manner, manage to escape a trip to the landfill by seeking salvation in the "donation" bin.

The toys--sans Woody, as he is left behind--eventually make their way to Sunnyside Daycare and are, presumably, in toy heaven. They are quickly greeted by Lots'O' Huggin' bear (better known as "Lotso" by the native toys), who assures the new arrivals that they'll never have to fall victim to owners' blues (i.e., kids growing up and parting from them) ever again. However, the toys soon learn that Lotso witheld information: Sunnyside Daycare is anything but sunny, complete with destructive brats who don't know don't play with the toys properly. Beleaguered, the gang realizes that if they are to ever see Andy again, they'll have to devise the perfect plan of escape. Luckily, Woody returns just in time to help the toys escape and reconvene with their beloved owner.

If it wasn't deducible from the synopsis just given, the themes included in Toy Story 3 are much darker than those its predecessors. Pixar has managed to craft a film that explores the natural progression of life (i.e., there will come a day when we must depart from our loved ones), while emphasizing the importance of camaraderie and solidarity. While young children may not appreciate the lesson Pixar has in store for its viewers, as with each of its films, the studio has made sure to include more-than-enough humor for the rugrats. Morever, our favorite toys are funny as ever, and the new additions are certainly welcome as well (a big, pink bear with a southern drawl? HILARIOUS!). As cliché as it may sound, this truly is a film for people of all ages.

Inevitably, Pixar has another "Best Animated Feature" Academy Award in the bag. But what's truly astounding about Pixar is that each time I see one its films, I debate whether the latest release supplants my previous favorite. How can they manage to raise the bar with each outing? It's inconceivable. With each release, I've been anticipating the first, true Pixar misstep. You know, the one that leaves you disappointed and deflates your hopes a little. Well, the wait will have to continue and that, in and of itself, makes Toy Story 3 a winner.

Review: **** (out of four)

The Karate Kid (Review)

So I checked out The Karate Kid today with la familia and must say, it was pretty solid! A modern take on the 1984 original, The Karate Kid stars Jayden Smith--the offspring of hollywood power couple, Will & Jada--along with Jackie Chan and Taraji P. Henson.

Unhappy with their life in Detroit, Dre (Jayden Smith) and his mom (Taraji P. Henson) uproot themselves and venture to China for a "fresh start." Immediately upon their arrival, Dre enrolls in a new school and quickly takes a liking to one of his fellow classmates. However, the girl to whom he has taken a fancy is also the object of affection of another guy. Dre soon finds himself with a bully and, subsequently, is unable to defend himself from the perennial thrashings he receives. Fortunately, Dre soon learns that his apartment's maintenance man, Mr. Hahn (played by Jackie Chan) is quite proficient in the art of Kung Fu. Dre implores that Mr. Hahn teach him the art and, eventually, he obliges.

While I won't go through a play-by-play of the entire movie, I must say that it exceeded my expectations. While the story is extremely predictable and the outcome is known before even taking a seat, the movie manages to incorporate some powerful motifs that underscore the importance of responsibility, loyalty and civility. While the running time (140 minutes) may deter some (as it almost did for me), the length actually works in the film's favor by allowing the audience to form an emotional connection with each major character.

The Karate Kid is not, by any means, a front-runner for any Academy Award. It is, however, a nice reprieve from the slew of laughable movies that have been released in the last month. MY BIGGEST QUALM with the film is the fact that Dre was NOT a Karate Kid but, rather, a Kung Fu Kid. But that's just me being persnickety. In summary: Go check out the movie!

Review: *** (out of four)

Always poor service. Always.

I HATE WAL-MART WITH EVERY FIBER IN MY BODY.

Abhor It.

Despise it.

Detest it.

Loathe it.

There isn't enough colorful diction to properly underscore just how much I CRINGE whenever I'm within a one-mild radius of that hell hole. However, I do have a story to share that can, perhaps, give justice to my feelings of abomination.

I get an hour break for lunch each day. Rather than ride around wasting gas or sitting in some food establishment for forty minutes twiddling my thumbs after I finish my meal, I try to maximize my time and take care of a few errands while I have some free time. Well today, I decided to go to the retail abyss to get a few things prior to departing for the chuck city this afternoon.

Surprisingly, my visit began quite well. As I continued trekking through the store, I managed to get everything I needed with no hiccups. I'd gotten everything I'd planned to get and was headed for the checkout lane. I thought to myself, "a quick, painless visit to Wal-Mart? This is unseemly!"

Unseemly was right.

As I walked to the checkout counter, it dawned on me that I'd forgotten my earrings at home during my usual morning shuffle. I couldn't imagine going the whole weekend bare-eared, so I opted to purchase a cheap pair from the jewelry department (to hold me over for the weekend). As I drew closer to the jewelry department, I soon realized that there was no associate behind the counter to assist me with my purchase.

I waited a moment. I thought, "Perhaps the cashier took a bathroom break."

More time elapsed.

I thought, "She's probably a woman and had to fall into the usual queue that forms outside of the ladies' restroom." Ok, so perhaps it was a bit sexist to think the cashier had to be a woman. Whatever. The part about the long line outside of the ladies' restroom is true.

"Irregardless," about 10 minutes had elapsed and there was still NO SIGN of help. Slightly frustrated, I walked through the aisles in search of another associate to assist me in the matter. As I proceeded down the aisle where all the seasonal knick-knacks are found, I noticed there was a "Precious" reincarnate--complete with the trademark khakis and navy shirt--schlepping through the aisle.

Sidenote: "Precious" has become an American idiom meaning grotesquely large black woman, alluding to the Academy-Award winning film, Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire.

"Ma'am, do you know anyone who works in the jewelry department," I asked her.

She looked at me with a slight smirk and said, "Nope...sure don't. Fuck I look like?"

Just kidding.

Her actual response was, "Nope...........................but I'll buzz someone for you."

"Thank you, ma'am," I responded.

She continued to waddle toward the front of the store. So much for buzzing someone. The whore left. Back to square one.

I finally gave up. Alas, no earrings for me. Wal-Mart hoodwinked me, yet again. I say time and time again that I am going to stop going to that establishment and yet, like a vortex, it keeps sucking me in. So it goes.

At any rate, I grabbed my items and headed to the "20 items or less" line, only to be pissed off again because I hate the fact that Wal-Mart blatantly violates the rules of grammar by offering the disclaimer that the express lines are for customers with "20 items or less."

FOR THE RECORD, WAL-MART, IT'S 20 ITEMS OR FEWER. GET IT RIGHT!!

Anyhow, after I checked out--sans earrings--I proceeded to the door, flustered as all get out. And to top it off, the greeter had the nerve to exclaim, "Thank you for coming to Wal-Mart -- come back and see us!"

Eff you Wal-Mart. Eff you.

- JC

Weak Tea (Part One of Three)

Preface: This is part one of a three-part series regarding the rise of the infamous "Tea Party Movement" and my thoughts behind the newly-galvanized right wing.


On January 20, 2009, Barack Obama became the 44th President of the United States.

Shortly after assuming office, Obama rolled up his sleeves and got to work with the hopes of rectifying a plethora of problems plaguing the country, among them: A precarious economic state, two stalling wars, an unsustainable health care system and a financial system being upended by greed and expedience.

The first item on Obama's agenda was the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act of 2009--better known as the "Stimulus Bill"--which sought to accomplish a number of things, including:

* Offsetting low consumer spending with domestic expenditures, in the form of capital improvements, the expansion of unemployment benefits and infrastructure advancement.
* Federal tax cuts for ALL Americans, with the largest beneficiaries being those individuals making <$70,000 or couples making <$140,00.
* Monies allotted to the preservation of numerous social welfare programs including Medicaid and Social Security.

Altogether, the bill accrued a total of $787 billion dollars. While the number may seem like a lofty one, it's not radical. The bill was an exhibition of "deficit spending," an economic policy in which the government borrows from itself (thus, creating a deficit) and channels the loaned funds into the economy. Typically, this is performed when consumer perception of the economy is alarmingly bleek. To compensate for the lack of cash flow in the economy, the government takes it upon itself to act as an intermediary between businesses and the consumer.

Typically, there are only two viable options to remedy an economic downturn: cut taxes or increase spending. The bill passed in Congress was a hybrid of both, with $288 billion of the total cost being in the form of tax cuts. Most economists hailed the bill as a step in the right direction, although many offered the caveat that a bill that exercises "deficit spending" should be sweeping. Nonetheless, preliminary reports showed that the bill did, in fact, work--although it wasn't as effective as it could have been had it been larger in scope.

However, not everyone was on the side of the president and many people dismissed the bill as a pork-laden waste of time . The bill received virtually NO Republican support in Congress and, soon, "socialism," "communism" and "anti-American" were thrown into the public discourse.

Members of the right had stamped the bill a "government takeover." To them, The United States--as we know it--was on the precipice of destruction.

Before Barack Obama even hovered his pen over the bill to authorize it, the rumblings had turned into a roar. The inception of the TEA Party Movement was upon us.



(Coming soon: Part two)

I'm coming to the realization that...

*gulp* I'm getting old.

I realized it yesterday as I was watching one of my favorite shows from my formative years, Daria. As I proceeded to insert the disc into the CD-Rom drive of my computer, my coworker (4 years my junior) inquired, "What are you watching?" In a matter-of-fact manner, I responded, "Daria."

Blank stare.

To my surprise, he'd never seen, let alone HEARD of the show. Stupefied by this, I decided to inquire about other shows that were out during the same time period.

Beavis and Butthead?

Blank stare.

Rocko's Modern Life?

Blank stare.

Hey Arnold?

Blank stare.

It dawned on me...It hit me like a sack of potatoes...It all became clear...(insert euphemism for sudden realization here): I AM OLD. I know that generations typically include individuals within 30 years of age, but could it be I just made the cutoff? In other words, am I grouped with people in the 20-50 age bracket? Apparently, I'm TOO OLD to be with the people < 20 years of age.

*Sigh* Pardon me while I step off my soap box and start monitoring my pension.

Until next time, remember: if you need to take a dump in a public place, layer the toilet seat with AT LEAST two layers of tissue.

- JC

Twitter > Facebook

After months of hearing people lambaste Twitter (most of whom are not even registered users of the site), I decided to take my quarrels to the web, even though I KNOW most of THESE people are too mighty to swallow their pride and just try it. Anyhow, here are some of those same, hackneyed excuses I hear from people who refuse to join twitter:

"All you do on Twitter is update your status -- I can do that on Facebook."

JC's Response: KILL YOURSELF. Now, after you've done that, I can proceed to tell you that you couldn't be more wrong. Only basic people would tweet something like, "(Insert Name Here) is studying." It's a lot more involved than that. I have been contending since joining Twitter that the site is arguably the closest we'll come to being able to read others' minds for quite some time. Twitter is delving into the psyche of another -- through a virtual outlet.

"The only reason to 'get a Twitter' is to stalk people"

JC's Response: First off, you don't GET A TWITTER. You can GET a dollar. YOU can GET a McFlurry. You can GET a blow job. You can GET laid. But you can't GET a twitter. You JOIN twitter, loser. Anyhow, that's completely false. While Twitter did opt to call the act of subscribing to someone's tweets "following," don't let their poor choice of words mislead you. You're merely gaining insight into what someone is thinking or doing at the time.

"You can't post pictures on Twitter like you can on Facebook"

JC's Response: So perhaps there is no feature on Twitter that allows you to compile a group of photos into a virtual album. So what -- the infamous "TwitPic" feature is considerably better, anyway. FOR EXAMPLE: If you're walking in the mall and need to quickly share with the world the nastiest camel toe you've ever seen, swiftly--and discreetly--take a picture of the chick, open up your Twitter App (if you don't have a smart phone, sorry, this doesn't apply to you) and post it for all your followers to see. It's that simple AND you're providing copious amounts of entertainment for your Twitter cohorts!

I could go ON AND ON about people's tired excuses for not joining twitter. Whatever, it's their loss. In the meantime, I'll just offer a few suggestions to these people: 1) If you're NOT on twitter, please refrain from using lexicon exclusive to twitter (e.g., we TWEET, not "twitter" other ppl). 2) Twitter is completely obscure to those who use it, so DON'T TRY TO ACT LIKE YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS AND HOW IT WORKS (see: response one above) and 3) Keep your basic self to your basic facebook news-feed or whatever they're calling it nowadays.

That is all. Until next time, don't forgot to follow the yellow brick road.

Or the one way sign. If not, you may hit an oncoming car and die on impact.

- JC

Is Drake REALLY the New Face of Hip-Hop?

Unless you've been living under a rock, you should be well aware of up-and-coming hip-hip star, Drake (if you're old -- meaning 100 years of age, plus -- then I suppose you're worthy of a pardon). Drake's official debut, Thank Me Later, dropped two days ago to glowing reviews from a slew of reputable periodicals including the The New York Times, Rolling Stone and Entertainment Weekly. Public response has also been stellar, as Drake's first full-fledged LP is expected to sell between 425,000-475,000 copies in its first week (marking the third largest opening week sales of the year after Sade's comeback album Soldier of Love and country act Lady Antebellum's sophomore album Need You Now).

While Drake is surely off to a strong start and is reaching unprecedented success for a debut artist, I think the imprimatur of "The New Face of Hip-Hop" may be a bit premature. After listening to Thank Me Later about ten times in its entirety, I must admit that the album is solid. It is a GOOD album. However, in my opinion, Drake has yet to wield enough control of his music to truly become the new icon of hip-hop music. One of my biggest qualms with his LP is the fact there are so many features. While features can certainly add flavor to a record, too many of them can be stifling to an artist. I equate a debut album with a host of features to a child riding a bike still equipped with training wheels; it's as though they don't have the confidence to just ride solo. Either that, or the record label lacks faith. But then I got to thinking: Perhaps the album was aptly titled Thank Me Later because he knows that his best work is on the horizon. Or maybe it's because after multiple listens, we will truly be able to appreciate Drake's latest contribution to the hip-hop game. Maybe it simply had a ring to it. Who knows.

Whatever the case may be for Drake, his talent in undeniable and I look forward to hearing what he has in store henceforth. The guy brings a sense of wit that is certainly a welcome addition to the hip-hop genre, and his tongue-in-cheek flows can be pretty contagious. I just have one request for Drake: for album two, tell Wayne, Nicki Minaj and everyone else to get lost; I want to see what YOU can do.

Until then, I'll just keep on spinning Thank Me Later and sit on the sidelines to see whether Drake does, in fact, become the new face of hip-hop.

I'm back...

...again. After being absent for quite sometime (nearly a year), I'm here to stay like a bad in-law.

There are a multitude of things going on right now that I will be chiming in on often: infectious summer records are being released, movie studios are dropping their blockbusters during the lucrative summer period and unfortunately, to our dismay, a solution for the BP oil spill has yet to be found. And, of course, I will keep you abreast of anything random going on in my life (or in my head); hopefully, offering you a respite from the stresses of your life! :-)

Anyhow, I look forward to getting back to the blogosphere. Perhaps I won't become a slacker, this time!

- JC