Twitter > Facebook

After months of hearing people lambaste Twitter (most of whom are not even registered users of the site), I decided to take my quarrels to the web, even though I KNOW most of THESE people are too mighty to swallow their pride and just try it. Anyhow, here are some of those same, hackneyed excuses I hear from people who refuse to join twitter:

"All you do on Twitter is update your status -- I can do that on Facebook."

JC's Response: KILL YOURSELF. Now, after you've done that, I can proceed to tell you that you couldn't be more wrong. Only basic people would tweet something like, "(Insert Name Here) is studying." It's a lot more involved than that. I have been contending since joining Twitter that the site is arguably the closest we'll come to being able to read others' minds for quite some time. Twitter is delving into the psyche of another -- through a virtual outlet.

"The only reason to 'get a Twitter' is to stalk people"

JC's Response: First off, you don't GET A TWITTER. You can GET a dollar. YOU can GET a McFlurry. You can GET a blow job. You can GET laid. But you can't GET a twitter. You JOIN twitter, loser. Anyhow, that's completely false. While Twitter did opt to call the act of subscribing to someone's tweets "following," don't let their poor choice of words mislead you. You're merely gaining insight into what someone is thinking or doing at the time.

"You can't post pictures on Twitter like you can on Facebook"

JC's Response: So perhaps there is no feature on Twitter that allows you to compile a group of photos into a virtual album. So what -- the infamous "TwitPic" feature is considerably better, anyway. FOR EXAMPLE: If you're walking in the mall and need to quickly share with the world the nastiest camel toe you've ever seen, swiftly--and discreetly--take a picture of the chick, open up your Twitter App (if you don't have a smart phone, sorry, this doesn't apply to you) and post it for all your followers to see. It's that simple AND you're providing copious amounts of entertainment for your Twitter cohorts!

I could go ON AND ON about people's tired excuses for not joining twitter. Whatever, it's their loss. In the meantime, I'll just offer a few suggestions to these people: 1) If you're NOT on twitter, please refrain from using lexicon exclusive to twitter (e.g., we TWEET, not "twitter" other ppl). 2) Twitter is completely obscure to those who use it, so DON'T TRY TO ACT LIKE YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS AND HOW IT WORKS (see: response one above) and 3) Keep your basic self to your basic facebook news-feed or whatever they're calling it nowadays.

That is all. Until next time, don't forgot to follow the yellow brick road.

Or the one way sign. If not, you may hit an oncoming car and die on impact.

- JC